I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
