yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
