you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
