my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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