I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
