That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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