There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
