If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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