I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
