I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
