i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
