I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
