He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
