My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
