is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
