i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
