the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
