I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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