I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
