Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
