I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
