Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
