youre lurking in front of me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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