fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
