Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
