he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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