Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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