Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
