I'm going to jail i love you
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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