fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
