Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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