Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
