U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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