I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
