You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
