Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
