i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
