I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think I won the penis lottery.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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