Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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