Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
