Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
