EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
