I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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