so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
