what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
