I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
ttyl tear gas
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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