Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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