I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
