Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I could make wine with my vomit
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
