Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
