I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
