ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
