Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
